You and your stupid friends go out to the woods or to some other remote location a million miles away from anything for the weekend because it’s such an awesome idea.
How it will go: A bunch of monsters or hillbilly’s will attack you and eat you.
How to survive: Don’t go on the trip with your stupid friends.
Your family decides to take a trip across the desert along a road you can’t find on the map.
How it will go: Mutants will find a way to wreck your car and will then go about attacking you and your family at random intervals until your all dead.
How to survive: Run back to the main road and walk along it in whichever direction didn’t have mutants before you arrived and hitchhike back to civilization.
You’re in some creepy place and a murderous murdering murderer wants to kill you and keeps chasing you around.
How it will go: Someone will ask ‘Who the hell was that?’ and ‘What the hell was that thing’. You’ll also spend a lot of time being confused and hiding while discussing what’s happening while everyone around you dies.
How to survive: Go kill the guy.
A ghost or demon is in your house and weird things keep happening.
How it will go: Weird things will keep happening and will escalate to uncontrollable levels of chaos and violence.
How to survive: Go to church you heathen bastard.
You wake up in a room tied to some contraption and a TV informs you that you suck and must now play a game to survive this ordeal.
How it will go: You’ll lose skin/limbs/blood in some devious machine or event in the hopes of surviving and probably won’t survive.
How to survive: Play the game and remember you’re actually getting what you deserve because your one of those people who just had to Google ‘how to survive a horror movie’.